[TRADE] Suns fans, Hawks fans prepare to be united...

Suns fans, Hawks fans prepare to be united in grief, hope and high expectations. A trade has been proposed by the Atlanta Hawks that could possibly uproot the NBA's eastern conference and bring life to both franchises that have been everything that is mediocre. The Hawks will attempt to unload disgruntled forward Josh Smith to the Suns along with gaurd Kirk Hinrich for the very two "agitators" in Phoenix. The starting gaurd, future hall of famer, and part-time Chauncey Billups impersonator Steve Nash along with his partner in crime Grant Hill...
Woah woah, fans I must say that the way these trade talks are developing it is possible to say that the trade may go down before I finish writing this very article. Yep, the trade is in! But, with a few minor details that were not included in the original deal. Suns fans welcome Josh Smith, Kirk Hinrich, Eric Dampier and say goodbye to Nash, Hill and Shannon Brown. Also the Phoenix Suns will be sending over a 2013 2nd round pick for the Hawks first round pick this year. Seems as if the Hawks are loading up to make a big playoff run this post-season. Don Rubix & Kensei Abbot will be available for questioning later tonight at the press conference, hopefully I will see you all there.

So with this blockbuster deal we must bid farewell to two NBA greats that will be dearly missed. Of course some of the tears will be wiped away by the New Sun, yea that's right he is the new star after all, Josh Smith. Hill and Nash did what they could while they were here but it was obvious that they wouldn't be much help on the court in the years to come unless the team traded for the future, which they definitely did as long as Smith signs some sort of extension.
Here we have a situation that can also be compared to how the New York Knicks managed to improve their team over the course of the past two seasons, a big trade and a big free agent signing. Only thing missing now for the Suns would be that big FA signing or maybe another trade will go down before the deadline. Either way I am simply shocked but in my moment of awe I was able to grab the very talented and involved individual who may have had something to do with this very trade. "Yea nigga... JOSH SMITH NIGGAA YEAAA!!!!" He wished to be kept nameless but we snapped a quick picture before he could say no that also. 

"Umm excuse my excitement... but yes nigga damn! I am very excited to bring the likes of Josh Smith here to Phoenix. As his representative for the 2012 season I felt that Atlanta was just not enough for Josh. I mean c'mon look at the dude, he was runnin trains on hoes not stop in the ATL, eventually you gotta make a freight stop somewhere else NAHMSAYIN DOGG?!" 




- $800$

Trade Rumors are in the Air: Josh Smith, OJ Mayo, Korver?

Trade Rumors are in the air. Word is that the Phoenix Suns and the Memphis Grizzlies have been talking about a deal that could involve the Suns sending a package deal over to Memphis for Rudy Gay. The Suns had little to say besides them constantly pointing out how old the team has been looking on the court. With the Suns wanting to go younger and the Griz looking for that extra push they needed for the playoffs last year, we find ourselves in a potential blockbuster deal that may not shake the foundation of the NBA but could fill a few more seats in Phoenix.

Rudy Gay called in with his new agent Based God Lil B himself and let us know what he thought about the Rumors.

"I just want to say that I started these rumors. According to my swag, my client should be getting way more royalties here in Memphis, I mean where the Ciroc at nahm sayin. All im saying is peace love and mo' b*****$. If Phoenix got the swag lets get down and do the damn thing, they looking old on the court over there anyway. Basegod!"


Again, Thank You Based God. But amidst all these trade talks more rumors have surfaced in Atlanta. A disgruntled Josh Smith is pushing his way out of Georgia in search of a new home and stadium to layeth the Smackdown. Could a three team deal possibly go down in Phoenix, I think not but who knows. 

co-Owner and avid Michael Jordan fan Don Rubix expressed his love for Jordan through a demanded trade towards the Chicago Bulls. Don Rubix and the Phoenix Suns offered the Bulls a corned beef and swiss sandwich for the 3 point specialist Kyle Korver and gaurd C.J. Watson. When asked about the ridiculous trade Kensei Abbot had this to say.

"Man, **** the Bulls."

Players on the Fence

The season has just started and already the drama begins. If it isn't with Dwight and the Magic, its on the west coast in the Desert with the Nash/Hill fiasco waiting to happen. Lets check out a number of players that are not exactly seeing eye to eye with their respective teams.

Dwight Howard

"They better bring in some help... or I'm gone. Simple as that. Print it."

Josh Smith

"I want out. I'm done here in Atlanta, management just isn't doing enough to surround me with championship caliber  talent so I feel like it would be best if I just moved on. I don't care where I go, as long as it isn't here or in in Phoenix."

D.J. Augustine

"I'm done speaking to the press, the coaches, the players, everyone. Until I can get my long term deal or a trade outta here then I have nothing more to say. I'm done here."

Channing Frye

"I don't feel like I'm part of the team anymore. Ever since the trade talks started up around here... I know I'm not supposed to worry about that and just play ball but how can I do that when I don't get a god damn minute around here... freakin Jarred Jeffries in New York gets more time on the floor than I do its crazy."

- $800$

Is the Sun Setting Already?

So with the season kicking off we looked into the first game of the season for our Suns and if not the biggest challenge of them all, the Oaklahoma City Thunder. You may have thought this was a one sided game but all through out it was full of action. Steve Nash led the Suns to a victory with 19 points and 8 assists over Durant's lowly 33 points and 12 rebound game. After the game Kevin Durant spoke with us and expressed his thoughts:

"The Suns. They just straight up beat us. We executed but they executed more often I guess. Its all good we'll see them again... the Suns."

Russel Westbrook was not available for an interview as he was tending to Kendrick Perkin's damaged ego.

Steve Nash spoke with us after the game as well.

"Um yea I love playing here I want to stay a Sun. Like you saw tonight we can beat the higher ranked teams and this was no fluke! Let us show you Abbot & Rubix!"

Steve Nash then walked off with the rest of his teammates in some sort of don't trade me march. It was unfortunate for Nash that he had demanded such high praise from the new owners because I don't think he realized he was on the Suns of new and not of old. The team went on to lose seven of the next nine games. After this horrible start Grant Hill spoke after their last game and most recent loss to the Bulls.

"I am fed up with the management. If they want to trade me, trade me, all I know is if I'm here next season I might as well hang it up."

Grant Hill retirement talk has been in the air for a while now but now it is out in the open, and as a threat to boot. So as it is right now we see Grant Hill gone anytime between now and the trade deadline, but probably sooner rather than later. I won't be surprised if one of those upper echelon teams would throw a draft pick at the Suns for the vet just to get that extra push. I'm not sure how much of a push Hill will give you but I definitely don't think it would hurt. Maybe the Mavs could pick him up and they could all write their grandchildren together or whatever the elderly do. Either way, Grant Hill will be gone but hopefully for Kensei Abbot he can find some value.

"I am torn at the moment. I hoped to see hill retire here as a Sun but the situation he has placed us in requires us to take a different route. I want to see him happy, I'd hate to see an NBA great mistreated."

Now that basically both Hill and Nash are on the outs with the organization we wonder what type of package deals the Suns could put together to get a big trade happening that could jump start this rebuilding process.

"We've narrowed down a few candidates that might be attracted to the Sun's 'package' of Nash, Hill, either Gortat or Lopez and possibly another such as Channing Frye.." A deal could happen any time soon said Don Rubix, it should also be noted he does not give a fuck.  

"I still can't believe we've lost all these games. I don't know what Kensei is doing holding on to some of these guys. Don't worry I'll make sure I take care of business. Ha.. ha.. ha."

 So according to our scouts these are currently the players on the 800 Bills radar:

Oj Mayo 

Michael Beasley 

Lou Williams 

Danny Granger 

Monta Ellis  

Devin Harris  

What Do The People Want?

And we're back with the latest on the new 800 Bills Phoenix era. We took the liberty to go out and address certain public figures that have shown their love for the Suns throughout the years. Of the most notorious and down right bastardly, the Sun's very own gorilla had this to say:

"Yea I f*ckin hate the suns right now, I can't believe I'm even saying this but yea life sucks for me right now. I just hope these 800 fucks fix shit up because the way things have been going these past years I can't even show my face around the hood anymore... its just plain awful... F***!"

After several of our staff were assaulted by the gorilla we felt it was time to move on to our next public figure. Sir Charles Barkley himself showed up and gave us a little input.

"Well let me just tell you guys this Suns team ain't no Miami Heat... ahaha and Nash damn sure ain't no Lebrooon James. That's right LeBron james. Serious things need to go down here and I don't know if these 800 fellas have it in them to do what's right for the team. We'll see ha... Lebron James. Lebron."





A few more Lebrons' and James' later we took leave from Sir Charles's presence and moved on to our next figure. The Based God himself. He had very little to say that wasn't based but from all of its baseness we found this to be perfect:

"Oh yea man Steve Nash fucked my bitch thats word up to black jesus nahm sayin. I'm just tryna keep it real nahm sayin Nash is the man and he's always been doing his thing out there. I gotta rep and show love for another tiny pants wearin bitch nahm sayin. Thats all I gotta say, new mixtapes droppin soon brah! Fuck you niggas! I love yall! Peace, shout outs to the bitch mob."



Well, thank you Based God but I don't know if we agree with you. The 11-12 season has yet to take way due to the lockout but there are already rumors strewing about that co-owner Kensei Abbot is looking for that perfect trade to move the entire team. A firesale may be in order in Phoenix but will they really be getting enough to turn the table by next year? The year after? When will the heat in the desert end, who will save this franchise? Hopefully by our next report we can answer that question but until then, Kensei Abbot, Don Rubix, you guys got your work cut out for you. TELL US WHO IS IT GOING TO BE?!!!

BREAKING NEWS: 800 BILLS NEW OWNERS OF THE PHOENIX SUNS

This just in: The internet phenomenon that is 800 Bills has taken over complete control of The Phoenix Suns organization. Little has been said as to how the up and coming rap group will manage to bring life to an organization that has suffered in the past couple of years. After losing their star player Amare Stoudemire the team has failed bring in any other substantial talent to work with the teams now only present all-star, Steve Nash. There are many rumors and potential deals the Suns could string together but as of now it is all speculation from the media's point of view. Partial owner, rapper and basketball guru Kensei Abbot had this to say:


"Yea it's ******* great, sorry, I mean to say I'm thrilled to now be part of the Suns organization. Me and the boys can't wait to get to work on rebuilding this franchise. This town franchise has never won an NBA championship and I feel that with 800 Bills holding the reigns this war horse will ride us straight into victory. Haha excuse me I've got some rap **** to take care of."

Abbot made no mention of any of the rumored deals on the table. When asking Don Rubix, also partial owner and the organization's new Top Chef, he had this to say:

"I'm happy to be a part of the Suns ... Now break out the champagne glasses and the motherfuckin condoms. Have one on us."

When asked about any trades or deals the team might do, such as what to do with Steve Nash, Mr. Rubix was very hush hush but he did shake his head with serious intention. Stay tuned and check back later for more on the new Pheonix Suns and their new owners. We still have no idea how these men were able to take control of the Suns but no one on our side is complaining, we all can't wait to see the results. 800 out.

- $800$