What Do The People Want?

And we're back with the latest on the new 800 Bills Phoenix era. We took the liberty to go out and address certain public figures that have shown their love for the Suns throughout the years. Of the most notorious and down right bastardly, the Sun's very own gorilla had this to say:

"Yea I f*ckin hate the suns right now, I can't believe I'm even saying this but yea life sucks for me right now. I just hope these 800 fucks fix shit up because the way things have been going these past years I can't even show my face around the hood anymore... its just plain awful... F***!"

After several of our staff were assaulted by the gorilla we felt it was time to move on to our next public figure. Sir Charles Barkley himself showed up and gave us a little input.

"Well let me just tell you guys this Suns team ain't no Miami Heat... ahaha and Nash damn sure ain't no Lebrooon James. That's right LeBron james. Serious things need to go down here and I don't know if these 800 fellas have it in them to do what's right for the team. We'll see ha... Lebron James. Lebron."





A few more Lebrons' and James' later we took leave from Sir Charles's presence and moved on to our next figure. The Based God himself. He had very little to say that wasn't based but from all of its baseness we found this to be perfect:

"Oh yea man Steve Nash fucked my bitch thats word up to black jesus nahm sayin. I'm just tryna keep it real nahm sayin Nash is the man and he's always been doing his thing out there. I gotta rep and show love for another tiny pants wearin bitch nahm sayin. Thats all I gotta say, new mixtapes droppin soon brah! Fuck you niggas! I love yall! Peace, shout outs to the bitch mob."



Well, thank you Based God but I don't know if we agree with you. The 11-12 season has yet to take way due to the lockout but there are already rumors strewing about that co-owner Kensei Abbot is looking for that perfect trade to move the entire team. A firesale may be in order in Phoenix but will they really be getting enough to turn the table by next year? The year after? When will the heat in the desert end, who will save this franchise? Hopefully by our next report we can answer that question but until then, Kensei Abbot, Don Rubix, you guys got your work cut out for you. TELL US WHO IS IT GOING TO BE?!!!

BREAKING NEWS: 800 BILLS NEW OWNERS OF THE PHOENIX SUNS

This just in: The internet phenomenon that is 800 Bills has taken over complete control of The Phoenix Suns organization. Little has been said as to how the up and coming rap group will manage to bring life to an organization that has suffered in the past couple of years. After losing their star player Amare Stoudemire the team has failed bring in any other substantial talent to work with the teams now only present all-star, Steve Nash. There are many rumors and potential deals the Suns could string together but as of now it is all speculation from the media's point of view. Partial owner, rapper and basketball guru Kensei Abbot had this to say:


"Yea it's ******* great, sorry, I mean to say I'm thrilled to now be part of the Suns organization. Me and the boys can't wait to get to work on rebuilding this franchise. This town franchise has never won an NBA championship and I feel that with 800 Bills holding the reigns this war horse will ride us straight into victory. Haha excuse me I've got some rap **** to take care of."

Abbot made no mention of any of the rumored deals on the table. When asking Don Rubix, also partial owner and the organization's new Top Chef, he had this to say:

"I'm happy to be a part of the Suns ... Now break out the champagne glasses and the motherfuckin condoms. Have one on us."

When asked about any trades or deals the team might do, such as what to do with Steve Nash, Mr. Rubix was very hush hush but he did shake his head with serious intention. Stay tuned and check back later for more on the new Pheonix Suns and their new owners. We still have no idea how these men were able to take control of the Suns but no one on our side is complaining, we all can't wait to see the results. 800 out.

- $800$